All this week I noticed I was irritated by small annoyances. Uh oh I saw the signs. I needed to set some time aside to grieve. I had commitments all week. Group support, mentoring a few bereaved mom’s and volunteering at a sanctuary farm. I could feel tears well up easily at the slightest inconvenience. Therefore, I promised myself to set some time aside to remember (I never forget but to purposely remember) and deeply grieve purposefully.
To spontaneously grieve during the pandemic has been a challenge. I like to grieve and cry by myself. With my husband working from home it’s challenging to find alone time. However, I was determined to find the time and I let him know why I should not be disturbed.
Today is the day
Today was the day for me to grieve. At first I began to fill this day with plans. Maybe a hike or maybe the beach. All good things but not when you need to cry and release that energy building up. So I nixed planning and left my day open. I have found after 4 years and being engaged in life more, finding time to tend my grief is necessary.
Some days when I set aside the time, tears come easily. Other days like today I need something to bring on the release of tears. I grabbed my son’s scrapbook albums I created after he died. Perusing through them allowed me to remember. As I looked at the photos, memories began streaming through my mind and they opened the floodgates.
It is our duty to remember
There I sat on the couch that he frequently sat in, with a box of tissues crying for several hours. I also journaled during those tears describing my experience. I let myself emote in any way necessary. After the cry session, I felt wiped out and also I felt a bit of relief along with peace. I softened and all those things that caused me to be irritable dissipate.
Tomorrow will be another day and I’m hopeful I’ll be able to engage more fully in life again.
Have you ever thought about setting time aside to grieve? What do you use to remember your loved ones? I would love to hear your thoughts.